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Blog updates and more tl;dr life stories. (:
Posted by Hanna
on
1:23 AM
Blog Updates:
Not much. I just added some more links to the links widget at the side bar. Click the words and you'll find yourself in one of my favorite websites in the internet. ;)
This is gonna be very long. Even longer than what my friend, Adrian, writes. Check out his posts at my old blog.
I've been one hell of selfish and self-centered bastard lately that I keep going nuts and pounding myself on the bed, in the sofa and practically everywhere around the house. If I didn't do it in a soft place, I would probably break my spine. Imagine your body throwing itself up and down involuntarily and violently. That's what I've been doing. I've been crying out loud and screaming so hard that I almost got myself a soar throat. Yikes. I'll be adding titles to the 2 chapters of this very long post to add flavor(?) and make it seem less long. :P
Chapter 1: Attack of the virus!
I guess I was having a bad and somewhat busy week. About four days ago, I was trying to remove a virus from my laptop. After thinking that I successfully removed the virus, I shut down the computer and went to bed. The next day, as I tried to log into my profile, it kept automatically logging me off. I decided to meet up with one of my friends who specializes in those geeky computer stuff and asked him how I could solve the problem. We went online on his computer and decided to look for an answer there. I got the information I needed, thanked him for his help and left.
I needed to start my laptop in Safe Mode and insert a disk I used to install the Operating System. The problem is, I didn't have the disk because my mom made a friend of her's install it for her when she bought the laptop. I stopped using my laptop because I couldn't log in and my parents quickly knew there was a problem. They would usually see me doing my work in this computer and I guess they knew something was wrong since all I ever did for the past few days was watch shows, play soccer, draw, etc. I rarely do those anymore since they bought me a computer of my own.
My parents asked me what was wrong, I told them, I explained what needed to be done and they took care of it for me. My mom took it to her office and had it reformatted. I lost all my fonts, programs and chat logs (Sigh. All my chat logs. I read them when I miss the good ol' days.) but they managed to save some of my other important files. I could always re-install the programs and re-download all those fonts but I'm really going to miss all the memories they had to erase. I have almost everything back. I just need to get Adobe Photoshop and Flash CS4 again and maybe download a few fonts I can remember.
Saving myself from an emotional breakdown.
My mother and I send each other letters sometimes. Emails, little notes, cards, etc. I usually send her cards that express my love for her. She is truly a very caring and supportive mother and I am very lucky to be her's. The last letter I sent her was different from the others though. This letter was about all the negative feelings and thoughts I had after she called me boastful. I know I'm self centered at times but I just don't like how people tell me what to change and what to be. I like figuring things out for myself.
She has the letter I wrote her and I have a letter she wrote back. She gave me the letter after I got back the laptop. Here is what she wrote:
22 May 2009
Not much. I just added some more links to the links widget at the side bar. Click the words and you'll find yourself in one of my favorite websites in the internet. ;)
This is gonna be very long. Even longer than what my friend, Adrian, writes. Check out his posts at my old blog.
I've been one hell of selfish and self-centered bastard lately that I keep going nuts and pounding myself on the bed, in the sofa and practically everywhere around the house. If I didn't do it in a soft place, I would probably break my spine. Imagine your body throwing itself up and down involuntarily and violently. That's what I've been doing. I've been crying out loud and screaming so hard that I almost got myself a soar throat. Yikes. I'll be adding titles to the 2 chapters of this very long post to add flavor(?) and make it seem less long. :P
Chapter 1: Attack of the virus!
I guess I was having a bad and somewhat busy week. About four days ago, I was trying to remove a virus from my laptop. After thinking that I successfully removed the virus, I shut down the computer and went to bed. The next day, as I tried to log into my profile, it kept automatically logging me off. I decided to meet up with one of my friends who specializes in those geeky computer stuff and asked him how I could solve the problem. We went online on his computer and decided to look for an answer there. I got the information I needed, thanked him for his help and left.
I needed to start my laptop in Safe Mode and insert a disk I used to install the Operating System. The problem is, I didn't have the disk because my mom made a friend of her's install it for her when she bought the laptop. I stopped using my laptop because I couldn't log in and my parents quickly knew there was a problem. They would usually see me doing my work in this computer and I guess they knew something was wrong since all I ever did for the past few days was watch shows, play soccer, draw, etc. I rarely do those anymore since they bought me a computer of my own.
My parents asked me what was wrong, I told them, I explained what needed to be done and they took care of it for me. My mom took it to her office and had it reformatted. I lost all my fonts, programs and chat logs (Sigh. All my chat logs. I read them when I miss the good ol' days.) but they managed to save some of my other important files. I could always re-install the programs and re-download all those fonts but I'm really going to miss all the memories they had to erase. I have almost everything back. I just need to get Adobe Photoshop and Flash CS4 again and maybe download a few fonts I can remember.
Saving myself from an emotional breakdown.
My mother and I send each other letters sometimes. Emails, little notes, cards, etc. I usually send her cards that express my love for her. She is truly a very caring and supportive mother and I am very lucky to be her's. The last letter I sent her was different from the others though. This letter was about all the negative feelings and thoughts I had after she called me boastful. I know I'm self centered at times but I just don't like how people tell me what to change and what to be. I like figuring things out for myself.
She has the letter I wrote her and I have a letter she wrote back. She gave me the letter after I got back the laptop. Here is what she wrote:
22 May 2009
My dearest H,
It's a good thing you wrote this note and left it on the table because it gives me the chance to write you back.
From what you wrote, you have opened about:
It's a good thing you wrote this note and left it on the table because it gives me the chance to write you back.
From what you wrote, you have opened about:
- What you know - "I'm selfish and self-centered." , "I'm not the best."
- What you feel - "I've wasted 14 years of my life."
- What you think - "I'm going to continue to do this because I'm lazy."
- What you need - "I keep searching for someone who I can treat as a challenge, opponent and prize."
Your opinions are your views. What you say about what is around you is how you see it. How you see what is around you is what you say about it.
Do I think you worry so much about your future? Or do I say that you worry so much because you talk about it every now and then? Like, "what course should I take in college", "what career should I get into", "at what rate would getting a place of my own be when I'm older", etc.
Do I keep telling you that you can do anything so that you will eventually embrace that and I will think that you are boastful? Or do I say that you can do anything because I believe in what I see in you?
This is how it was:
You are the most creative kid that I have known in my life. I have made you aware of that. I witnessed how your skills have developed from your very first doodle when you were barely 3 years old.
You have made an impression in school because of your creativity plus your academic skills. Your school has made you aware of that. Your teachers have assigned you as chairman of the class, as group leader for school projects, as class representative in academic activities, etc.
As a result (of you seeing for yourself what has been made aware to you not just by me and your teachers, but also by your friends), this is how it is now:
Do I think you worry so much about your future? Or do I say that you worry so much because you talk about it every now and then? Like, "what course should I take in college", "what career should I get into", "at what rate would getting a place of my own be when I'm older", etc.
Do I keep telling you that you can do anything so that you will eventually embrace that and I will think that you are boastful? Or do I say that you can do anything because I believe in what I see in you?
This is how it was:
You are the most creative kid that I have known in my life. I have made you aware of that. I witnessed how your skills have developed from your very first doodle when you were barely 3 years old.
You have made an impression in school because of your creativity plus your academic skills. Your school has made you aware of that. Your teachers have assigned you as chairman of the class, as group leader for school projects, as class representative in academic activities, etc.
As a result (of you seeing for yourself what has been made aware to you not just by me and your teachers, but also by your friends), this is how it is now:
- You are out of focus. You cannot determine, specifically, what it is that's right for you.
- You are restless. You can do a lot that you want to do it all. And do it all at once.
- You are in panic. You cannot decide, and it seems to you that time is running out.
Until you turn that negativity around, you will not realize that what you are searching for is not among others, it is within you. Why don't you challenge yourself for a change?
If you are selfish and self-centered as you say you are, challenge yourself to be humble.
If you have wasted 14 years of life as you say you have, challenge yourself to recover.
If you are lazy as you say you are, challenge yourself to be active.
If you search for someone as you say you do, challenge yourself to be independent of another being.
You may start by doing this:
If you are selfish and self-centered as you say you are, challenge yourself to be humble.
If you have wasted 14 years of life as you say you have, challenge yourself to recover.
If you are lazy as you say you are, challenge yourself to be active.
If you search for someone as you say you do, challenge yourself to be independent of another being.
You may start by doing this:
- Use that pen and paper to make an outline.
- Write your main objective.
- Write down the results that you expect to attain.
- Develop a plan.
You may also do the same for your college course and career.
Keep this in mind: Relax. What you have is not a curse. It is a gift.
Keep this in mind: Relax. What you have is not a curse. It is a gift.
Ma-Te
When I read this, everything became so clear to me and I understood why I have been so stressed out lately. I also now realize that telling someone you trust, like your mother, can help in solving problems. I recommend you guys do the same thing I did. Communicate with someone who you trust. You'll never know, that person might be able to help. ;)
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