I'm sorry to tell you all that I have quit blogging and the internet. I will leave as soon as I say my goodbyes and finish this post. I've put a lot of thought into this and I have made my decision. I will not change my mind and (...Holy fuck, my mom just told me we're going to church. NOOOOOO!!!...)

...my mom totally ruined my train of thought. Crushed the tracks and sat on the train itself until it slowly dematerializes and the people in the train fade away into oblivion. It was all a big joke. I'm only moving to Wordpress.

So much for drama. =_=

Goodbye.

Just to make things clear, PODKOD is not my friend's blog. He just happens to post there often, for some reason. And I don't see any other active members. But it doesn't matter. I created it so that my friends who enjoyed blogging could join and post there. I thought that maybe that would get them more visitors and the readers would have a choice of author or more things to read. I thought that maybe I would save time and energy if I would go to only one destination to read the things going on in my friends' lives rather than going to individual blogs. Now I realize that going to individual blogs isn't really a difficult task which led me to making a decision as to whether I should delete PODKOD or not. And I have chosen not to. Please click here to learn more PODKOD. I created PODKOD and perhaps that would make me the owner but I would rather say that nobody owns it. Everyone is free to join, free to post and free to read the contents. Also, I do not post at PODKOD except for updates. Xxaler is my main blog and if you'd like to read about my days, you can find posts about it here. Now I'll continue this post with a story about my days, like I always have, always do and always will.

There's this guy in my class and he has an extraordinary smile. He is so charming and it looks like he was a masterpiece. He has a ravishing smile that looks like it was carved by angels. He would skip school sometimes though, which wouldn't make me describe him as angelic. He would smile at me whenever we see each other while walking home from school and it just makes me feel so nice. Whenever he smiles at me, I melt into my Mary Janes. And last Wednesday, I sat at this empty seat behind me (it was the last seat at the back) and doodled on my special notebook there. Then he moved to my seat and drew at the back of hs notebook while I sat behind him, pausing for a few moments to realize that the sweet scent I would smell was coming from him. After he moved back to his seat, I moved back to mine too after a few minutes. Then he moves the seat next to the back seat where I was and he looked at my drawings from behind. I could feel it and I looked back to see if he was there just to make sure but we were too close to each other which surprised us both and made us back off a bit from each other. Later on in Science class, I move to the back seat again and drew there. And he sits next to me. I didn't want to look at him so I just focused on drawing on my notebook and enjoying his presence. We had small talk. Very small, as I am not very talkative around people I'm not close to. Then he just watched me draw and asked to see my other notebooks and the one I drew on. The seats in front of us were vacant and the Science teacher said that, "All of you, listen! You move to different seats too much. From now on, the seat you are sitting on now is your permanent seat." Everyone cheered and I cheered as well, but only in my mind. Our teacher looks at us and says, "Both of you, move to the vacant seats in front of you." So we do as our teacher says and sit there. He goes back to his seat and for a moment I think to myself, "Maybe I was boring him. Oh well." But then he comes back after a few minutes which seemed like forever and he draws beside me. He asked to borrow the other pen I use so I let him, and we draw on. After a while, I looked to see what he was writing and it turned out to be somebody's name. "Carla". He notices me looking at it and he looked like he felt a bit awkward when I saw it so I just said, "Carla, aye? I thought Jelly was your girlfriend." and he says, "Jelly T.?" (because there are two Jelly's in our class.) and I said, "No, Jelly I." and he just chuckles and says, "Haha, Jelly is crazy."

Anyways, the best day of this week would probably be Wednesday, even though we have 10 hours of school during Wednesdays since they add 4 hours of TLE. TLE (Technology and Livelihood Education) was good as I had expected. Our teacher in TLE this year was the same TLE teacher I had last year and she can start a great discussion. She has earned my respect. I like her a lot and if I could, I would tell her what I really think about her. That she is a magnificent educator and I am very much impressed. Now let's skip to Science class. During Science class, our teacher divided us into 5 groups depending on which column we belonged to in the seating arrangement. 2 groups were fighting on who would get me because I used to be part of this certain team and they wanted me their because they needed me. But the other team wanted me to so they fought for me for a while. I went with the other group for some reason. Anyways, the first team to finish the group work would get 5 points. I answered all the questions and drew the things that needed to be drawn which won us 7 points. We were the first to finish and that got us 5 extra points. We got a 12/10, haha. It would have been a 13 if I didn't doubt my answer on this certain question. My groupmates wanted to see my special notebook too, which contained my doodles for the sophomore year. They passed it around the table and my classmate asked for some of my works. She took 3 but I didn't mind even though I liked them too. I had to hide 2 of my favorites so she wouldn't get them, haha. I also smiled at my classmates and made new friends. Thanks to the guy who taught me the prizes you could win if you just learned to smile.

"...I felt that maybe I should stop going for a week just to see if I can handle it. And I indulged myself in Neil Gaiman's works just to pass the time."

This was part of what I did this week. I have been reading The Sandman. It's my favorite. They're expensive in my place though, so I only have a few issues in my possession. My father told me that there are 10 issues in total but I recently discovered that there are actually 75 issues all in all. And that the ones my father was talking about were of the Sandman Library. I have Preludes and Nocturnes, The Doll's House, Dream Country, Season of Mists, The Kindly Ones and The Wake. I've read all that I have. Preludes and Nocturnes & The Doll's House last week and the rest just today. They're excellent. Great artwork and plot. I recommend them to those of you who enjoy reading the kind of things that I do. One of my favorite illustrations were of Lucifer in Preludes and Nocturnes. All of the styles are outstanding, actually. I envy the artists who worked on these and I would love nothing more than to draw like how they do.

That's it, I guess. I also miss the people I love. You know who you are.

Shoutouts to (in no particular order):
IATW (hai Joe, Mike and Jimmy, I miss you yo2 and Kyle)
Andrew (Are you there?)
Karpolo (HI SON :D)
Kasey♥ and mah wifey♥
JBD (Happy Birthday!!!)
NiK & Gator (Update your blogs, dammit.)
Adrian & Soph (I wish more people would join PODKOD)
and Zipo (Thanks for always reading my massive posts.)

While I was away, I just kept drafts of my days in notepad so I wouldn't have to think so hard about what had happened on the past few days. I hope you enjoy reading about my thoughts and all the lot. :P

I haven't updated in days. Readers might think that this place is dead and I have completely forgotten about it. I haven't. But maybe I will stop updating again after this. I'm very busy with school. There are students in my class that seem smart and I know they'll do anything to become valedictorian. Their hardwork and dedication to waste their lives studying is funny, at the same time, challenging. Knowing that they will work thrice the amount an average student or a lazy student like me does, they have challenged me to become better. I'll be doing homework and studying for the rest of my days. I'll just be around in real life more than online for now. I want to beat their asses so hard and prove I'm better. I'm a competitive person and I am not going to let them make me look like how I look at everybody else. Stupid and far from the road to success. You could say I'm mean and boastful. I know and I honestly don't mind. :P To continue this post, I am merging 3 drafts that I have written for the past 3 days. Enjoy.

~Thursdays are terrific.

Today, my cousins and I went to school early. I had to wear our P.E. uniform which I loathe because of the huge, yellow shirt we had to wear. I strongly disliked that attire and I'm glad we only have to wear it once a week. Anyway, just as we arrived, I already felt like sitting down again. I asked my cousin if she wanted to sit down at the canteen with me. She agreed and we proceeded to check if there were any unoccupied tables. To my surprise, the canteen seemed like it was crowded with almost half the amount of students in the entire quadrangle.

I saw a handsome fellow not far from where I was standing and even though he was looking away, I knew this was the first man my heart throbed for. I told my cousin that there might be available tables at the canteen extension just at the other end of the hallway so we kept walking and passed by him and his friends. We found a table and sat there then my cousin bought a snack and we left, passing by them again but at that time, he walked to the staircase just across from where they were standing before and sat there.

While walking, my cousin said that she saw our other cousin and she pulled me towards the staircase. A really odd but lucky way to come near the guy, haha. We stopped. He saw me, and I saw him then my cousin and I ran upstairs to our other cousin and greeted her. After that, classes started and we all went to our rooms. Then we all met again at the bakery where we would always meet before walking home from school. I stopped by my cousins' house again and played with my uncle's son (cousins' half-brother) until it was late and I wanted to go home. I walked home with my cousins and we stopped at the sidewalk near my house and watched skateboarders skate back and forth and over a ramp. After that, I went straight to my house and did some internet stuff.

~TGIF!

After seeing him at the hallway near the canteen, I expected him to be there again. I have provided a doodle of half the floor plan of the ground floor. He's at one end of the hallway (blue dot) and I'm at the other end of the other hallway (pink dot). I couldn't see him. There were so many students. I went to the canteen just to peer outside the glass windows to check if he was around. I didn't see him but I saw my cousin buying food with a former classmate of mine. I could see another former classmate standing outside the canteen so I walked to where she was and stood beside her. The walls have openings, like huge windows. I leaned on that, facing the quadrangle. I looked to see if he was around while talking to my friend but he wasn't. Just as I turned around, he exits the canteen. We were standing across each other, so close but still so far...

When my friends left, I just walked for a few seconds and saw another one of my friends (Yes, another former classmate.) so I stopped again. We greeted each other and talked. Then I leaned on one of those huge windows again. I looked to my side and I saw him there, talking to some students. He wasn't far from where I was. I walked towards the stairs and passed by them. When I reached the other hallway, I saw so many students going upstairs so I stopped and leaned again on one of those huge windows. My friend followed me with one of her friends. We talked some more and waited for all of the students to go upstairs so we could walk upstairs too. When we finally did, I looked back and saw him walking upstairs too, at the staircase at the other end of the hallway.

When it was finally dismissal time, I waited outside, not very far from school, hoping to see him before I go home. He wasn't around and I thought that maybe he had already walked home so I kept walking and saw my cousin's girlfriend. She was standing in front of the elementary building with a friend. She's nice and she has been best friends with my cousin since they met in 5th grade. I've known her for a year and they started dating just 2 months ago. I'm so happy for them. Anyways, her and our friend were waiting for my cousin so I waited with them. When she finally arrived, we stopped for a while and continued walking. I saw 2 of my former classmates and approached them. We talked for a long while and my cousins and old friends already left without me. Another former classmate came. We greeted each other and I complimented his shirt. (We're friends. I couldn't tell him he had a hot body, duh.) They walked me to the corner and I said goodbye and walked home. While walking, I spotted my cousin's girlfriend not far from where I was and walked faster to reach them.

We kept walking and crossed to the other side of the street. We stopped when they met an old friend, who was also an old friend of mine. They greeted each other and talked for a while. While they were having a little chat, I saw him with a group of friends at the other side of the street. We looked at each other and I looked away. We all kept walking and by chance, we were all walking at the same street as him and his friends. I didn't really want to look at them for some reason. I just kept on walking with my friends. We all stopped at 7-Eleven and they stopped there too. When we left, they went inside. His group of friends had 2 girls with them and I'm not sure if he's out with any of them. I shouldn't really care. I was a bit sad about it though. I felt like he was showing me a sure sign that he's taken and I should just back off.

We stopped at my cousins' place, did stuff and all went home. What a day.

After that, I recorded some things that happened this week.

Monday
~ Saw him in the morning before school started. Didn't see him after dismissal. I just had to hurry home for some reason.

Tuesday
~ Went to school early. Tried to look for him without actually looking. You know what I mean right? When you pass by people to check if someone's there. I mean, when you see by the side of your eyes. Anyways, we were at the canteen and when I turned, I saw him. I know it wasn't by chance that we looked straight into each other when I turned. He was just sitting there. When it was time to go home, bumped into him at the corner. We were so close... yet still, so far.

Wednesday&Thursday
~ Storm means no school. No internet since I dropped the modem for the billionth time and now it won't work. So I'm just reading books and watching shows/movies and all the lot. I've been planning and thinking more as well. And getting more rest. Just relaxing. Nothing big.

Friday
~ End of storm so back to school. The thing I couldn't forget about today was during English class when my English teacher, who I thought was a dragon lady, was actually a nice person. I guess I forgot the fact that every person is a nice person but it only depends if you put yourself on their good side. Anyways, she was very nice today because we didn't have much to do or discuss about. She just talked about random things with the class. Later on, she walks around by the side of the column where I was. She was walking, talking and looking towards me. She said, "You know... you have a classmate that looks like a Korean." Of course, at once I knew she was talking about me. Everyone asked, "Who, ma'am?" and she says, "Your classmate here." And she points to me. Then she added, "And I like the way she speaks to me. She talks to me in English and she's very good." Which made me felt fantastic. :)

Saturday
~ Watched the Italian Job. One of my favorite movies. It's excellent. I recommend you watch it. ;)

Plans:
- I'm thinking about creating a new blog and leave this one and HLGS. Blogspot isn't really doing good for me. Now I can truly say that Wordpress is great and if you were to choose from Wordpress and Blogspot, I'd recommend you to choose Wordpress because I've had experience with both and trust me, I should know. ;) There are so many things you can do with Wordpress. A great feature you get from Blogspot is that you can change the name thingy for your blog. But other than that, whatever Blogspot can do, you can do it with Wordpress too. :D

- I have thought of a story and I wanted to continue writing it but today, I decided to stop for some reason. I guess I'm not the type that's so dedicated with things. How do they call it? Hmm. Ningas Kugon or something like that. You start with something but you don't finish it. I'm that type of person and I think I should do something about it.

I might make a new blog though and try to change my personality. I feel like such an awful person.

Warning: If you are religious, do not read this. If you are religious and stubborn, go ahead.

Before I go to school, I'll leave my thoughts here so I won't have to carry such a heavy burden all the way to class. I think that I might be the only Atheist in this Catholic country. Ever since I was a young child, I have never enjoyed going to church. I like talking to "God" telephatically because there are things I know that I don't want to tell anybody else, not even the anonymous readers of this blog. I may be open at times but I have deep dark secrets no one must ever know of. Not even the author of Post Secret can convince me to mail a postcard anonymously with one of my dirty little secrets. I am not ashamed because I know there are people out there who have worse confidential information that could risk their lives and the lives of those that they love. Maybe I'm being paranoid but it's possible.

As I was saying, ever since I was a young child, I have never truly enjoyed going to church and worshipping something I believe has never existed. My parents once again forced me into going to church yesterday and again, I told them about how I don't want to go to church and I'm only going there because they are forcing me. They laughed and told me that I am obliged to go to church because I am a Catholic and again, I told them that I will not be forced to worship something just because I was born in a Catholic family with the word 'Christian Catholic' stamped onto my birth certificate. If they keep forcing me, sooner or later I am going to feel much hate and become an anti-Christ. I am quite certain that nobody would want that.

These are my real views upon Christianity. (Thanks to Jimmy for linking me to the image.) Also, I think Christianity is a practice wherein a group of Jesus-freaks read and discuss a fictional story book, much like Twilight, called 'The Bible'. They worship this dead Israelite because they think he will give them "everlasting life". Guess what? You can only live one life and if there is such a thing as being born again, you will not remember your past life. Therefore, there is no solid proof that all of this is possible. Even with Past Life Regression, this could all be just a bunch of lies and desires hidden beneath our subconscious. There are no records and this could all be a huge hoax. The gospels they dig up may just be manuscripts for a huge novel that took centuries to create. The readers may have been inspired to keep the story going. I've watched some of this in the Discovery Channel and it says that Jesus told Judas Escariot to tell the soldiers that he is the king of the jews. It only proves that Jesus planned all of this so everyone would think he is a magical being from the skies and his enormous father in Heaven will let everyone enter his kingdom and live happily ever after if they accept him by heart.

If you're an atheist, you will enjoy reading this. It's a log from the Walrus Chat.
[09:46] Hanna: fuck church.
[09:46] Steven: INORITE
[09:46] Hanna: I would rather go to school for 10 hours than stay in church for an hour.
[09:46] Mike: the bread at church tastes good
[09:46] Hanna: it does?
[09:46] Steven: Yeah
[09:46] Mike: yeah it tastes like Jesus' body
[09:47] Hanna: It tastes like cardboard boxes to me.
[09:47] Hanna: lol mike
[09:47] Steven: And so does Jesus' blood
[09:47] Mike: I might just resort to cannibalism after tasting the body of Christ.

Anyway, I honestly hate being yelled at and I can't fight back at people who love me unconditionally. Even though at times, they may not respect some of my decisions in life, I guess it would be best if I just play along, just until I am old enough to move out and very far away from my family. I would love to live my own life, by my own rules and principles. I'm pretty sure that time will give me what I have always wanted soon enough.

^- That ends here. You can read the rest. -v

Let's move onto a different subject. Something funny happened yesterday. I was very sick and becoming delirious. I wasn't having such a good time, in fact I was very moody that day. Typing what I was thinking like I usually do, I blurted out in the Walrus Chat that, "Today has been a very boring week." If you fail to find the error in that sentence, you must be as bewildered as I was at that moment. That single sentence is worthy of an epic face palm. Let us unite and give it what it deserves.

/facepalm

New Stuff:
* I got a tweet-rawr. I already registered for one before when I was still into HLGS but I couldn't understand how it worked so I quit. Now I made another but with the name 'xxaler'. Talk to me if you have an account. :) !!!
* My good friend, NiK, made a blog! Check it out by clicking this link.
* My good friend, Adam, asked me to make a header for his blog. Go check it out!

"Black as the devil, hot as hell, pure as an angel, sweet as love."

I thought today would be another one of my average Fridays. The children are playing outside and the sun is at its highest. I sat down and looked outside, listening to the soft, sweet song of the birds and watching beautiful butterflies glide gracefully in the breeze. I didn't really question myself the moment I thought that it would be a good idea to purchase a croissant. I just finished eating so it was rather odd.

I proceeded to wearing my favorite coat and taking a stroll outside. The townspeople greeted me as I passed by them. Wanting to be courteous, I greeted them as well. The bridge overlooks a wonderful stream and from there I could see a lot of cows on my way to the bakery. When I arrived, I bought a croissant and then ordered coffee in the shoppe next door. Whilst looking for a place to sit, I bumped into this handsome gentleman. I accidentally spilled my coffee so he offered to treat me to another cup of coffee as he was about to buy one anyway. We sat at a table under a shady acacia and spent the rest of the afternoon getting to know each other.

Story telling. This is not a true story. It was just something I came up with while I was bored. I hope you enjoyed reading it. Also, credits to whoever took that image I used. (Click the pic to see the original. There's a link there to whoever the photographer is. Thank you.) Now it's time to strain your brain and leave a comment stating who or what you think I may be. I might be a young school girl who's found love or a french lady who just met a new friend. ;) Be sure to use your creative juices and let the ideas flow out of your head! :)

^_^ Kitty is pleased.

I have many friends who have astounding skills. One of them is Andrew. Andrew is a pretty amazing guy. Sometimes I tell myself that I want to be just like him but then I have second thoughts and decide that I should just grow up to be better than him. It's one tough challenge I'm willing to take. If you knew him, you would be surprised by all the things he can do. I think the only thing he can't do is fail, haha. Today, he posted some images he took in 2008. View them by clicking here. This is my favorite. He says they're shit but I don't see why. I guess if a person can do something and thinks it's shit, people who can't do it will think it's amazing. Oh well.

Sometimes I tell him that I want to assassinate him when I'm older. He doesn't know that I'm really saying he's important enough to be assassinated unlike the average people out there who are only said to be murdered. Have you ever wondered how important you have to be for people to say you were assassinated?

Most Recent Art: (I didn't change that much to be honest.)

Other stuff: I'm trying to compose a song about high school life. Here is a line from the song: "I look to the shower head and pray for mercy. Let the cold water run down." Also, my horoscope for today (Pisces) is "Look at all those ideas running around in your head! Take time to clear some out." I get my horoscope from a certain site and they are always right. If you want, you can leave a comment stating your zodiac sign and I'll post your horoscope. ;)

Update:
It's past midnight. That means in the Philippines, it is June 12, Independence Day.

Viva La Revolucion.

Some people see life as a road with an end they must reach or a game they must play. To me, life is a vast blue sky, where the only goal is to reach the horizon. The point of my view is that there are no boundaries and that I am free to outstretch my wings and spread my happiness to those below me, knowing that I am free from the worries in life and my weary shoulders no longer need to hold the weight of the world. Freedom and independence is all I crave.

Let's continue this post with a story about my some things that happened to me today and yesterday. Yesterday was Wednesday, and every Wednesday, we have to stay at school for 10 hours because we have 4 hours of Technology and Livelihood Education every Wednesday morning, once a week. After that, regular classes start. Anyways, I left home by 8:20, 10 minutes before 8:30, the time we were supposed to be there. I planned on skipping to school merrily as I whistled a tune, picking artificial flowers growing in the cracks of each pavement and dancing what seemed to be a choreographed dance sequence with animals that jump out of nowhere and 7 creepy dwarfs. Nah, I'm kidding. :) When I got there, we had to wait for a very long time only to be informed that our teacher could not make it. I only had 6 hours of sleep and lack of sleep makes it very difficult for me to think straight. That teacher is an asshole. I could have slept for 2-4 more hours.

Let's stop there and skip to different events. It's too boring in my opinion. Yesterday some funny things happened. I was nominated by my classmate, who's name I do not know, to be president of a Science club which I never joined. I was voted by 16 of my classmates, most of which I also do not know. I lost to this nerdy guy in class (who's name I also do not know. xD) by 2 votes. I don't know if I'm popular in class because I think I'm not but I guess it's a good feeling that I am not really alone and people know that I am around. I don't hang around with any of my classmates. I eat lunch with Juniors (3rd year high school students or whatever they call it in your country.) or my friends (previous classmates).

Another funny thing that happened is that this guy who lives in the same street as my cousins came back. We used to know each other a year or two ago and he told me I was his best friend. Since I was his best friend, I considered him as one of my best friends. We held hands like how I hold all of my other best friends' hands but when he held mine, I would inflict pain on his hand. Heh. I stopped going to my cousins' street when I found out he had a crush on me. I found out that he came back when I visited a friend of mine to ask a computer-related question. I stopped going to my cousins' street again and forgot about him again. Then I started staying at my cousins' house for an hour or two after school and he was there, always trying to get my attention. He's weird. I don't like him. xP

Today, the guards closed the gates early so a lot of students were "late" including my cousins and I. We stayed at my cousins' place and did stuff. Then I fell asleep for 4 hours and went home. It was unexpected. I lack sleep. Alright then. I guess that pretty much sums up today's post. I've been having a hard time thinking lately. This post is terrible and disorganized in my opinion. I don't think it's very interesting. Blah. -_-

Update:
For those who just browse around and don't like reading tl;dr posts, here are some signatures I made for you to gaze upon. :P I'm a bit more interested in anime now and since I don't know a lot of animes, I'm starting off with Naruto. xD I have this theory that everyone undergoes a cycle wherein they like a certain thing and start to change and become interested in other certain things, in the same order as everyone else.

I don't have time for some things this week but I'm trying my best to keep up with life. It's very hard with school eating up to 7 hours of my day and sleep eating 8-10 hours of what's left of it. That's 17 hours, not to mention the time I waste getting ready for school (letting my hair dry takes a while :P). I only have 7 hours of free time left, which I can't even enjoy with my parents nagging endlessly and breathing all over my damn neck every night. So I've changed my daily routine for now, just until school ends and I can waste my time in front of the mind-numbing dimension we call "The Internet".

This used to be my routine: Wake up, Take a bath, get dressed, eat, stay online until lunch, eat lunch, stay online until dinner, eat dinner, stay online until my mom starts nagging, go to bed. I go to forums and blog at random times. Every now and then, I throw in some new things in that routine like "Go to my cousins' house to play", "Watch movies", "Go on road trips", "Go out" and so on. It wasn't much but knowing that I was free from my responsibilities felt good. It's something I only get to experience for 2 months after all.

Now I present to you all, my new routine: Wake up, take a bath, wear underwear, eat breakfast, stay online until lunch, eat lunch, stay online until cousin comes by, go to school, work for about 3 hours, recess, work for about another 3 hours, go home, play forumwarz, care for Constantine (my pet monster), blog and then go to bed. Sometimes I do other random stuff like go to forums or read new blog posts just to show my support. That's pretty much it. But I think that's about to change once the teachers start giving us homework. Speaking of the devil's assignments (homework, lol.), our teachers already gave us our homework and I'm actually supposed to do it right now but I'm blogging, just so the readers will have something to look forward to whenever they drop by here.

Thanks to anyone who's reading because if you guys weren't visiting, I would feel a bit lonely around here.

I thought today was going to be another one of those average Sundays. Those days when I sit bored in front of my laptop, get dragged to church then come back home to sleep only to wake up the next day to a nightmare. And by nightmare, I mean school. Haha. School is such a drag right now but I'm sure it's only because we just started. Things might be good soon and I'm sure I'll enjoy going to school soon enough. I'm having such a hard time with all of my classmates being friendly. They won't leave me alone. My seatmate talks endlessly and I can't even concentrate when I'm trying to answer tests. I want to finish as fast as possible because having work to do makes me feel tense. She's making my job harder than it already is.

Anyway, I was chatting at Dreggle like I usually do. My mom was doing chores (I don't know why she's doing it when we have maids.) with the radio on. She's the reason why I'm into music. One of the first bands I knew about was Simple Plan and Matchbox Twenty. Such wonderful bands. She would always turn the TV or the radio on so we could relax and listen to some tunes. It was back when we were little. We still do it too. I love my mom. <3

As I was going about my usual tasks, playing games and talking to friends, a song which I've never heard of before and my body sways to it's mellow rhythm. It was such a wonderful song and it made me feel good. I felt like it's as if the melodious tunes were bringing me up higher into the sky and that I was flying with no objective, no worries in life. I felt peaceful and calm even though I didn't understand what the singer was saying. The sound was all that mattered. Later on, I Googled a short line that I could remember from the song and got results. Since I wanted you all to feel the same way I did, I have posted below; the link to the song (cover), the band's information (wiki) and the lyrics (if you want to sing along). Enjoy!

Song | Lyrics | Band Info

This post is really random and I'm just dumping my thoughts in here. Thoughts for today, that is. It actually only has 3 things in it, if you exclude the announcements. :P It may look tl;dr but I'm sure it's worth reading. :) Enjoy!
* Neither Andrew or Steven (the internet tough guy) was on today. So there was less lulz. :'(

JUBA

What started out as an everyday average random conversation soon turned out to be a Juba-spam fest. Everyone said Juba over and over uncontrollably. It managed to make Trillian crash. (I use Trillian for signing in msn/aim/irc. It's like Pidgin.) It's massive so I just dumped the logs in pastebin.com. Click this link to check it out. ;D

The fun, the bad and the funny. (: Walruses are spot on!

Stuff.

Check out this helmet I wanna buy.

I can't get it in real life (rare) so I'm going to get it for my baby. I adopted a monster and named it Constantine. I'm going to buy that kaiser helmet for him in the game. (: He's so cute and I love him, even though he's only virtual.

Here's a list of some clothes I want to buy at a game I'm playing. To find out what game it is, click here. If you like it, feel free to join. It's a great game in my opinion. :) The list's order is Item, price and some other stuff. :P

Bowler Hat (84) - Bowlers hats ftw.
Blue Dungarees (42) - Hillbilly kiddie. (:
Mime's Makeup (89) - I want the whole outfit. xD
Kaiser Helmet (124) - I really want this so bad. :'(
Mime's Beret (60) - Mimes rock! :D I have the mime shirt now. :)
Lovey Dovey Boxer Shorts (106) - Because boxer shorts are cool. B)
Green Shades (55) - There's also black shades and star shades which I also want to buy. :D
Halo (89) - It will go well with my Sky/Cloud-themed house. (House is still under construction.)
3Desu Glasses (144) - It's 3D Glasses but they're red and green which remind me of Celebi and Desu. xD
Body Barrel (119) - I bought a barrel man during our trip and when you pull his barrel up, he gets a wooden erection.
Technicolor Ear Warmer (98) - It will go well with the rainbow painting I bought and the rainbow stuff I'm planning to buy.

News (in order of when they were made, not who I love most. xP I love you all equally. (: <3)

*This Morning,
My friend, Celebi (or Mikey as I shall now call him. Mwahaha. No, it's not his real name. :P), made a website featuring all his other webpages. His youtube channel, Myspace page, new forum, etc. can be found at his new website. Be sure to check it out by clicking the link at my side bar entitled 'Mikeleas - The Ultimate General Chat Site'. I was first member, yay me! (: Will you be the first 100 members to join? ;)

*This Afternoon,
My awesome cyber bro, Gator, made a blog inspired by your cabbage riot-causing city girl. x] He's having a difficult time thinking of post topics but I'm sure it's just because he was sleepy at the time. I mean, hey, you'd have a hard time too if you made a blog at 2am right? ;D Anyways, you can check it out by clicking the link to his blog in my sidebar entitled 'Gator's Life Blog'.

*Just now (Nighty Night),
Another friend, the uber nice and very skilled Sad Prince (who isn't actually sad) was inspired by your intergalactic shuttle bus driver to create his very own random blog. The theme is pretty and I'm sure the posts will be very interesting so be sure to drop by at his chunk of the internet. There's a link to his blog in my sidebar entitled 'Sad Prince's Random Blog'.

Lastly, a joke I randomly thought of. To add lulz to this post.

In a forest, there were 2 moose. Now, these moose weren't just one of those ordinary moose you can easily spot around the woods. These moose were drugged! They were released from a laboratory where the government uses them as guneia pigs. So they were walking in the woods and soon enough, they got bored. They decided to talk.

First Moose: Hey buddy! Let's play a game.
Second Moose: Sure pal! What game?
First Moose: I spy! I'll start. I spy with my moosey eyes something that has leaves.
Second Moose: A tree!
First Moose: You're right. Now it's your turn.
Second Moose: I spy with my moosey eyes something that is brown.
First Moose: A tree! Now it's my---
Second Moose: Whoa, wait a second. You were wrong.
First Moose: Well, what else is here in the woods besides trees?!
Second Moose: That piece o' shit by that bush over there.
First Moose: No, that's not shit. That's chocolate.
Second Moose: What? Chocolate? I may be drugged but I'm sure that's not chocolate.
First Moose: It is and I can prove it!
Second Moose: Alright, prove it.
First Moose: We'll each taste it. Then we'll know if it's really shit or chocolate.
...The 2 moose divided the brown thing on the earth equally in half and tasted it...
First Moose: Wow. You were right. It really is shit.
Second Moose: Yeah, it's a good thing we didn't step on it!

I hope that made you laugh. (: And I hope you enjoyed this post as well. Why not leave a comment with a funny joke or a hilarious story? x] I'm sure I, and anyone who reads this blog, would love to read it. :D

MY THOUGHTS~
I will just type what I'm thinking so be ready for anything.

What is this? What's wrong with me? Am I becoming retarded or something? I feel so unusual... so strange... I don't understand why, but I do. I feel like my life is crashing and that it's flashing right before my very eyes. I think my fears are taking over me again. I'm afraid that I'm not going to be successful and that I will fail in life. I'm so confused. I'm always confused. And right now, I think I'm worrying too much. Sigh.

I think my brain stopped functioning as well. Yesterday was great though. I had a wonderful flow of ideas during over 9000 rounds of INCIT which I won many times. It made me feel proud of myself. Sometimes I keep writing, drawing or typing and I think my hands have minds of their own. I mean, I think they're talking to my contacts by themselves while I'm staring blankly into space. Perhaps aliens are taking control of me with their super high-tech metal brain chips of doom!

I wonder if I've lost my mind. I don't take drugs. In fact, when I'm sick, I do the usual things I do until the disease just goes away. I don't even take medicine unless my parents or grandparents force me to. They shouldn't tell me what to do. I want to live my life and make my own rules. I want to be independent. I have the initiative to do what I must but if only they would let me.

My Complaints~
I tend to complain at times. You might find it funny, you might not. I'm not really sure. It all depends on you.

Ugh, my dinner was terrible. I had to eat that disgusting dish that I hate. They serve it every now and then, even after every time I've told them not to cook it because I don't like it at all. It tastes like water and it looks like piss! I hate it! I'm so glad I didn't have to eat it during lunch. My lunch was good. I like potatoes and cabbages. I wish they would have prepared a Taco Bellarito Johns Supreme Swine Flu Porklet Finger Chilli Grande Beef Surprise Ranch Buffalo Organic Fried Cornsyrup Funaritto Whole Wheat Wrapper Fairly Traded Coffee Breaded Gordita Crunchwrap Quesadilla with a side of Cinammon Oles, though. I would love one of those. Unfortunately, only Andrew can make those and there's no way for me to order one. If he lived in my home, I bet he would've made me one. I would be thrilled.

I was playing INCIT in Forumwarz where people had to think of a title and motivational text for an image. I think they're called Motivational posters but they seem more like Demotivational posters in my opinion. Yesterday and at some time today, I had a very good flow of ideas. I miss those moments. I used to have them often as a young child but now I rarely do. I think it's because I lack rest. The horrible part about it is that everytime we submit our ideas, if all of them are lame, I just vote for a random person or the worst entry and that person always beats me! If I didn't vote for that person, I would have won. If I didn't vote at all, I would be disqualified. If my votes were gold, I would rather give it to a specific person, rather than an anonymous submission.

Before I end this post, I'd like to ask a question. Have you ever wondered what Swine Flu looks like under a microscope? See for yourself. Credit to andrewp182. Hilarious, I know right? xD Great friend, funny guy. :)

Can you find the secret message in my drawing?

It hasn't been such a good week, even though it's only Wednesday. Maybe it's because of the rain but it brings in cold and strong winds, which I love. I'm confused again. I don't know why. I've been having good days but whenever I look back at all the things that have happened, I'm not satisfied. My life is empty at the moment. I don't know what can complete the pieces of my puzzle.

I'll just wait until Sunday when the week ends, and then I'll ask myself again if life is good.

Nothing special in this post, except a spoiler. I will *try* to finish this gift I've been meaning to give to a friend. I want it to be a surprise so I won't mention my friend's name. Or gender, haha. xD I drew it weeks ago and I haven't had the time to color it because I was having so much fun at the CPHQ IRC. Now I have school and all the time in the world but I still can't do it. I honestly don't need time. I need to make time for the things I want to do. Another day, another problem solved. I've answered it many times but I won't be applying it in my life until it affects me negatively, as always. Yay?

Update: My friend Adrian im'd me after reading this post. He said, "Sounds like you've had a boring week." and so that solved my little dilemma. I wasn't having a bad week. I was having a boring week. xD Also, I added a new template/theme/layout or whatever you want to call it. :P

If you found the secret message, send it in a comment. Feel free to guess what it is. No one was able to find it...yet.

You guys probably already know about FML right? If you dont, just click the link to it in my huge blogroll right at the sidebar. That site is full of win, haha. While typing this in, I thought of making it like an FML. Also, the second paragraph is all you have to read if you think this is tl;dr.

Today, they announced a new addition to our schedule. They made the classes longer, adding 5 minutes to each. So now, each class takes 1 hour, unlike the old schedule when it only took 55 minutes for each class. We'll also be taking Science class 6 times a week. Twice on one day and once on the other four. Seriously, I wish they'd just let us take English so I won't have to listen to the teachers be their boring selves. The only reason I listen is because I don't want to be stupid. I'd much rather take Fine Arts right now than sit in my desk, doodling and trying to stay awake. YAWN.

I won't be around the interwebz on Wednesdays (or I might be if I wake up/go on early, haha.) because we have school for the whole day. They scheduled Technology and Livelihood Education for 4 hours every Wednesday, 8:30am-12:30pm. I'm in the afternoon session so after we finish that, we have a break for 10 minutes and school starts again at 12:40pm until 7pm. Torture, I know. ._. I don't want to fail school and have to do over the same damn year again and again. I want to graduate as soon as possible. All I have to do is attend each morning and I'll survive.

We won't have breaks on those 4 long hours and if you're absent on Wednesday morning or the whole Wednesday, you just missed 4 TLE classes for the whole week. We have to secretly eat in class (If the teacher doesn't allow it. We don't know yet because it's just going to start tomorrow.). If we don't eat, we'll have to wait until 3:30pm when our regular recess starts. Sad, isn't it? School just got harder. I liked the old schedule better. I guess I'll just have to live with this. That's life for ya, my friends. Sometimes it shoves you onto the ground really hard and kicks sand in your face and eyes until it bleeds so hard that you drown in your own sweat, blood and tears.

Don't quit, my dear friends. Or I shall perish and all my sacrifices shall be put to waste. But even though I'm doing this, none of you owe me anything. ^^

FML

Today was the first day of the rest of my sophomore year. I was assigned to Section II-Orchids, Room 303 (When I read it, I read it as 3OH!3, the band. xD And 3+0+3=6! Woohoo!) but I spent my day at a different section. It was the section where 2 of my previous classmates were assigned. Section II-Sunflower, Room 216. Tomorrow I'm going to spend my day at the section where I'm supposed to be. Or not. I'm kind of confused about where I should stay. I'm so glad I didn't get caught at all. I guess I'm just special like all my aweshum friends. <3 I love you guys. :')

I'm in the afternoon session so school starts 12:40pm for me and ends in 7pm. It's pretty okay since I get to go online in the mornings when most of my bad ass friends are on. Hazza! Even if I was in the morning session, I'd still go during the afternoon session just to catch my friends online. I love them all so much. ^^ Most of my wonderful friends and fantastic cousins are in the afternoon session so we'll all be going as a huge group.

Hooray! Nothing beats a good day.
Crack this code: I go to school with Mary Janes.

This is probably the best day in my life ever. I'm so happy right now that I might spazz out too much and make my guts implode all over my laptop. Haha. You guys can not imagine how happy I am. I am so fucking happy right now. I don't even give a shit that my dad is threatening me about how today is going to be my last day on this computer. It's not and I know I'm gonna get my way. Yay me. And if by chance he finds out about this blog, I'm going to rape all the computers in their company. Hazza!

In Forumwarz, I leveled up like 3 times today, earned so much flezz and got a bad ass thing in the Ppwn Shoppe that boosts everything and gives like 100 processing power. (My class is a hacker.) And that's one hell of a real steal. It was only 4k flezz unlike those half-a-million worth thingies that boost your processing power to the same amount. I think I can only use it once but I don't really give a shit since I have it and I can name 666 people who don't. :D I felt like I won the lottery without even entering. I'm so happy right now. I even said that over 9000 times today.

Other than that, I beat this internet tough guy's ass until it bled. Fuck you, Steven. Yeah, you. (He's a guy that goes to CPHQ. It's a forum and you can find the link at my huge blogroll in the side bar.) I also stopped my kick ass best friend, Andrew, from quitting which saved CPHQ from turning into a shit hole like CPC. CPC sucks and it's a hole where all the bullfuck all over the internet ends up. Even all of the noobs that drop out of Disney's ass land in that god forsaken pathetic excuse of a forum.

All my meals today were awesome too. Every moment of this damn day is fucking fantastic. It's fucktastic. Bacon is yummy and if you can get an orgasm from bacon, I'll point at you and laugh so hard and then say it's funny and then laugh some more. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh guess what? MORE great news. Can this day get any fucking better than it already is?! Jesus Christ, I'm so happy right now that I can't control myself. Today I received news that I'm one of the students who will be going to school in the afternoon session. That means I can go online in the mornings and catch all my favorite people online and by the time they go to bed, it's time for me to go to school. It's perfect I tell ya! Perfect!

I'm so happy right now (lol I said it again) and this is even better than the time Cabby said, "Hanna<3">

TvHeadMen

A character that came to life in an attempt of creating vintage artwork. I have always wanted to make comics of my own. I have tried to make comics, sadly, my flow of ideas have been blocked by a huge dam composed of God-knows-what-and-I'm-pretty-sure-that-it's-not-mud.

Luckily, I had one comic idea pop into my mind. It will require only 4 panels and I hope it turns out good because it's really hard drawing with a mouse and it's even harder to color. I haven't started coloring until I was almost 14 years old. If the first comic doesn't fail like I'm hoping it won't, I will continue to make more. So be sure to post your opinions when and if I post that comic.

I usually tell people, or myself, about all the things I'm planning to do, but I never do it anyway. :P

Tvheadmen | Boxheadman | PCheadman

I have mentioned it a few times. I enjoy winning.
I "won" something today. It makes me feel so happy to be able to be first choice. My aunt bought some chocolate. Cadbury to be exact. I don't love chocolate and I don't hate it. If I get chocolate, I eat it. I guess that's just the way it works. I never really questioned why I just have to pop sweets into my mouth.

Anyway, my aunt each gave us a piece of chocolate, because my family loves to share everything we have with everyone else. Even to visitors, if there are any. So she divided the chocolate into equal parts and called us so we can get our share. My sister wanted the chocolate so when my aunt offered my dad a piece and said he didn't want it, my sister asked for it from my dad. Upon hearing this, I said, "Dad, you should have said no." and he asks why so I said, "I wanted the chocolate..."

I said it as a joke. I didn't mind not having chocolate. It's the thought that counts, really. My dad chuckled and shouted (they were downstairs and my dad went upstairs when I talked to him.) "Sarah, I take that back. You can't have the chocolate." My sister heard this and said okay then she comes running upstairs and gives my dad the chocolate. My dad taps me on the shoulder and I see him offering me the chocolate. Taking something back to give it to me felt so nice. I was overwhelmed. It's like a sincere feeling, a wonderful moment where you smile and a tear runs down your cheek. Oh the drama.

News:
My friend, Kasey, made a blog today. Check it out by clicking this link. He will be posting soon so keep an eye out for updates. (Lol, I'm trying my best not to repeat words. xD) And another friend, Celebi, also has a blog. His posts are fantastic so be sure to check them out. I found out that people actually go here to read my tl;dr posts. Another wonderful moment. Hoorah!

Even moar news:
I made some art. I'll be posting it here, rather than leaving links to them so readers will have something to look at. :D This is something I made for #iamthewalrus. This is also my first try on drawing a walrus.

I had things to do and people to talk to, like every other day.
Then the people disappeared. I was alone.
I wanted to talk to my best friend but he wasn't around.
I wanted to talk to my best friend but she didn't want me around.
I'm confused.

I planted a seed in the ground and it grew
and I rode on its leaves as it reached for the skies.

I had a dream on the way, a dream about a man
who lived in my home and watched tv all day.
He was hot. :P

I would hide from him and run away.
Like how I always run away in my other dreams.
Why do I dream about running away?
Do I crave freedom? Don't I have it?

[Update]: I made a cartoon. I was bored. You can click here to view it.

Just like me, I know you've got needs. Right now, I need a lot of time to think and to take my mind off of all these sad things going on in my life. I think I lost a friend but I'm not sure. I asked her if we were still friends and she said, "I don't know." If she can't say yes to me straight, I'm taking that as a no. So I wrote a letter in my profile that I'm hoping she will notice and read.

Dear,

We could sit beside each other all day long, and I could say so much but I don't want to because I think it's better to keep my thoughts in my head. I'm afraid to show emotion.

I thought that maybe we would last forever. Because you're one of the things I keep so safe, so dear, so close to my heart. And maybe if you were lonely, we could talk for hours and no one else would have to know. But I'm the one who's lonely now and you're not around.

I'm not saying that you owe me. In fact, you owe me nothing. But I guess if I'm trying to get things to work out with somebody else, it would mean losing you. You see me like I was never a part of your life. Hear me out, I'm sorry.

Maybe if I weren't so stubborn, things would have been good. None of us are understood.

I'm not saying that she's not my friend anymore. She's still my friend. I love all my friends. This is practically my fault anyway. I forgot her birthday and accidentally said some mean things... She's been like this for ages now. I don't know how I'm going to make her feel better. I've tried so hard but I guess my best wasn't good enough. Maybe I didn't even give my all. I'm such a terrible person.

I can say that today has been a good day, even though it's only 3pm. :P Earlier today, a few minutes past 11am, there was a loud boom and the power went out. We received news that an electric post at a street not far from our house exploded. Hearing about this, I suddenly remembered about the crash that happened a few days ago. I went out and sat at one of the steps leading to the entrance of our house. I was petting my cat, O.J. when out of the blue, I hear a woman screaming and then a loud crash. I walked towards our gate and looked outside. I look out to see that a jeep crashed at the metal boards that covered an empty parking lot, in front of our house. Luckily, no one got hurt.

Music
My brother listens to my music so I gave him 50 songs. I let him choose and I transferred them to his PSP. Today I was bored, waiting for 2 hours to pass and trying to do something to kill time. I decided to play some songs by Red Hot Chili Peppers.

After that, I played 'Spongebob & Patrick Confront The Psychic Walls Of Energy' by The Flaming Lips. I don't understand why people don't like the song. I do. I think it has a mellow and fun tune and I enjoy listening to it occasionally.

As I was dancing and snapping my fingers to the song, my brother played Dani California by the Red Hot Chili Peppers, maxed out the volume in his PSP and held it by my ear. I didn't mind and continued to sing along and snap my fingers to the Spongebob song. Later on, my brother starts laughing and said, "I'm trying to confuse you." and I replied, "Haha, I know." Before I end today's post, I'd like to say that I named this post 'Red Hot Chili Peppers' simply because they have good music. :)

This is my last week of summer vacation. As I type these words, I am eating up a lot of my time which I can use in other ways to enjoy my last few days of my precious summer. But expressing my thoughts is probably worth it.

I can say that I enjoyed this year's summer vacation. One of the best things I ever did this summer was spend my mornings with a friend. His name is Andrew and he rocks my technicolor socks off! I'm going to miss talking to him, and to a lot of other people from CPHQ. I can only catch them online in the mornings, which I won't be able to do when school starts. Seeing as Freshmen and Sophomores go to school in the morning session, we are sent home in the afternoon, when Junior and Senior students' classes will start. By the time I get home, most of the CPHQ members, that are Americans, would be asleep by then. And Andrew would be driving home from work.

This year is a new year. In the school I go to, not one year is the same. Students are randomized and each year, we graduate in a batch full of new individuals. People we only used to pass by in the hall ways, never noticed that existed and never cared about. This year will be different like all the others. This year, we will to experience new things, be taught by new teachers and befriend new students. It won't be the same but I'm pretty sure I'll enjoy it, like every other year and like every other student before me.

I know that right now is the time I should be blowing off each day, partying harder than before and getting myself wasted. I know that right now, I'm supposed to celebrate and enjoy myself more than I did when summer just started. I don't know why I'm being sad and drowning myself in negative thoughts. I guess I'm not really a happy-go-lucky person. Perhaps I'm the princess of darkness? Nah. Princesses remind me of unicorns and rainbows. I'm not falling for that kind of shit. Oh my, I cussed again. Is there really a single post of mine wherein I didn't say a foul word? I doubt that, haha! :D

I'm going to blow my last days off, even if it kills me.

Blog Updates:
Not much. I just added some more links to the links widget at the side bar. Click the words and you'll find yourself in one of my favorite websites in the internet. ;)

This is gonna be very long. Even longer than what my friend, Adrian, writes. Check out his posts at my old blog.

I've been one hell of selfish and self-centered bastard lately that I keep going nuts and pounding myself on the bed, in the sofa and practically everywhere around the house. If I didn't do it in a soft place, I would probably break my spine. Imagine your body throwing itself up and down involuntarily and violently. That's what I've been doing. I've been crying out loud and screaming so hard that I almost got myself a soar throat. Yikes. I'll be adding titles to the 2 chapters of this very long post to add flavor(?) and make it seem less long. :P

Chapter 1: Attack of the virus!
I guess I was having a bad and somewhat busy week. About four days ago, I was trying to remove a virus from my laptop. After thinking that I successfully removed the virus, I shut down the computer and went to bed. The next day, as I tried to log into my profile, it kept automatically logging me off. I decided to meet up with one of my friends who specializes in those geeky computer stuff and asked him how I could solve the problem. We went online on his computer and decided to look for an answer there. I got the information I needed, thanked him for his help and left.

I needed to start my laptop in Safe Mode and insert a disk I used to install the Operating System. The problem is, I didn't have the disk because my mom made a friend of her's install it for her when she bought the laptop. I stopped using my laptop because I couldn't log in and my parents quickly knew there was a problem. They would usually see me doing my work in this computer and I guess they knew something was wrong since all I ever did for the past few days was watch shows, play soccer, draw, etc. I rarely do those anymore since they bought me a computer of my own.

My parents asked me what was wrong, I told them, I explained what needed to be done and they took care of it for me. My mom took it to her office and had it reformatted. I lost all my fonts, programs and chat logs (Sigh. All my chat logs. I read them when I miss the good ol' days.) but they managed to save some of my other important files. I could always re-install the programs and re-download all those fonts but I'm really going to miss all the memories they had to erase. I have almost everything back. I just need to get Adobe Photoshop and Flash CS4 again and maybe download a few fonts I can remember.

Saving myself from an emotional breakdown.
My mother and I send each other letters sometimes. Emails, little notes, cards, etc. I usually send her cards that express my love for her. She is truly a very caring and supportive mother and I am very lucky to be her's. The last letter I sent her was different from the others though. This letter was about all the negative feelings and thoughts I had after she called me boastful. I know I'm self centered at times but I just don't like how people tell me what to change and what to be. I like figuring things out for myself.

She has the letter I wrote her and I have a letter she wrote back. She gave me the letter after I got back the laptop. Here is what she wrote:


22 May 2009

My dearest H,
It's a good thing you wrote this note and left it on the table because it gives me the chance to write you back.
From what you wrote, you have opened about:

• What you know - "I'm selfish and self-centered." , "I'm not the best."
• What you feel - "I've wasted 14 years of my life."
• What you think - "I'm going to continue to do this because I'm lazy."
• What you need - "I keep searching for someone who I can treat as a challenge, opponent and prize."

Your opinions are your views. What you say about what is around you is how you see it. How you see what is around you is what you say about it.
Do I think you worry so much about your future? Or do I say that you worry so much because you talk about it every now and then? Like, "what course should I take in college", "what career should I get into", "at what rate would getting a place of my own be when I'm older", etc.
Do I keep telling you that you can do anything so that you will eventually embrace that and I will think that you are boastful? Or do I say that you can do anything because I believe in what I see in you?

This is how it was:
You are the most creative kid that I have known in my life. I have made you aware of that. I witnessed how your skills have developed from your very first doodle when you were barely 3 years old.
You have made an impression in school because of your creativity plus your academic skills. Your school has made you aware of that. Your teachers have assigned you as chairman of the class, as group leader for school projects, as class representative in academic activities, etc.
As a result (of you seeing for yourself what has been made aware to you not just by me and your teachers, but also by your friends), this is how it is now:

• You are out of focus. You cannot determine, specifically, what it is that's right for you.
• You are restless. You can do a lot that you want to do it all. And do it all at once.
• You are in panic. You cannot decide, and it seems to you that time is running out.

Until you turn that negativity around, you will not realize that what you are searching for is not among others, it is within you. Why don't you challenge yourself for a change?
If you are selfish and self-centered as you say you are, challenge yourself to be humble.
If you have wasted 14 years of life as you say you have, challenge yourself to recover.
If you are lazy as you say you are, challenge yourself to be active.
If you search for someone as you say you do, challenge yourself to be independent of another being.
You may start by doing this:

• Use that pen and paper to make an outline.
• Write your main objective.
• Write down the results that you expect to attain.
• Develop a plan.

You may also do the same for your college course and career.
Keep this in mind: Relax. What you have is not a curse. It is a gift.

Ma-Te

When I read this, everything became so clear to me and I understood why I have been so stressed out lately. I also now realize that telling someone you trust, like your mother, can help in solving problems. I recommend you guys do the same thing I did. Communicate with someone who you trust. You'll never know, that person might be able to help. ;)

She celebrated her birthday recently and I didn't even greet her properly. I admit, I didn't know it was her birthday but I know I'm supposed to find out for myself if she didn't tell it to me. I said 'Happy Birthday' to her in a secret message that she had to crack. Cheap and stupid, I know. ._. Anyway, after that day, she has been feeling sad so I made her a poem to cheer her up.

When hope is gone and things are queer,
I look for you and you are here.
I feel so nice when you're around.
Your voice must be the sweetest sound.

You're an inspiration and that's true.
I'm glad I have a friend like you.
I know I do things that make you sad
and act so innocent when you're mad.

If others do things that hurt you,
I swear to God, I'll hurt them too.

~Love, Hanna. (:
I hope this makes you feel better!

I'm a terrible friend and I'm sorry. You never did anything bad to me and all you deserve his happiness. You're a wonderful friend and I would never do or say anything mean to you on purpose. If you want, I'll let you beat me up until I bleed. xD

Note to readers (if there are any): I have been posting poems a lot (3 in a row) and just to make things clear, this blog is not about poetry. It's about anything. I'll be posting some other things next time. :P I'm just a lazy bum so I post short poems, haha.

Before we were close like this,
living was so hard.
I tried my best to fly
but my wings just broke apart.

I see you in the heavens
and I try to reach the skies.
I'm feeling so weak
and tears are dripping from my eyes.

I cry so hard and scream your name.
I feel that this is worth the pain.
I fight to prove that I'm just as good.
You pushed me down and up I stood.

You put barriers around yourself
to keep the people out.
I won't give up. I'll come to you.
I can climb that wall, no doubt!

You broke my heart in two and
crushed it into a million pieces.
I've tried my best to win your affection.
Am I the only one who can see this?

Perhaps my best ain't good enough
because let's face it, you're a star!
But even though your way out there
I swear, I'll stoop to where you are.

I've been getting positive comments about the poem I made before. It encouraged me to write another. It might not be as good or good at all but I just posted it so I can get some opinions and suggestions. Comment & Critique~

Another attempt at coloring.

To make this post a bit longer, I'm going to post a poem I made over 9000 days ago.
It's a poem I made for the one I adore. Alright, here goes nothing...

---

I try to wrap myself around you
even though I know you'll never care.
I promise I will always be here to support you
even if to me, you're never there.

There are times I'm alone and no one understands me.
Then you make me smile with any thing you say.
Even though, to you, we're simply friends,
I'll look for you, each morning of my day.

Is this really worth it or am I wasting time?
I know that I don't have a chance when I ask you to be mine.

Dreams will stay in clouds where I float about each night.
As we venture off together in this aweinspiring site.

I look forward to spreading my wings and flying oh so high.
And together we'll look back and we'll wave the world goodbye.

Taco Bellarito Johns Supreme Swine Flu Porklet Finger Chilli Grande Beef Surprise Ranch Buffalo Organic Fried Corn Syrup Funarrito Whole Wheat Wrapper Fairly Traded Coffee Breaded Gordita Crunch Wrap Quesadilla with a side of Cinnamon Oles!

Yes, you heard me right! It's a single dish with a really long name. It's one hell of a special and delicious platter made by the most kick ass, bad ass, intelligent life form there is, Andrewp182! If you can't say it, you're pathetic. If you can't eat it, you're a loser. If you don't want it or even like it then you deserve to die. DIE PATHETIC LOSER.

Anyways, I just happened to memorize all 36 words. And I've been offering everyone a bite of it. My sister loves it when I say it. I can say it in a matter of 7 seconds and I'm proud. If anyone can say it faster, I'll do my best to beat it. The feeling of being the best is oh so sweet. Having this type of food touch the surface of your lips is the best thing a person could ever accomplish.

If you want a Taco Bellarito Johns Supreme Swine Flu Porklet Finger Chilli Grande Beef Surprise Ranch Buffalo Organic Fried Corn Syrup Funarrito Whole Wheat Wrapper Fairly Traded Coffee Breaded Gordita Crunch Wrap Quesadilla with a side of Cinnamon Oles, you're going to have a hard time getting one or even making one. Andrew is the only person in the universe who can concoct such a fantastic meal. It's so rare that Andrew himself has to choose a very few amount of people whose tastebuds are worthy enough to come in contact with something so divine.

Even God has to beg him to have a slice. Sadly, Andrew makes the decisions around here. If God wanted to take away Andrew's life for rejecting him, no one would be able to make a Taco Bellarito Johns Supreme Swine Flu Porklet Finger Chilli Grande Beef Surprise Ranch Buffalo Organic Fried Corn Syrup Funarrito Whole Wheat Wrapper Fairly Traded Coffee Breaded Gordita Crunch Wrap Quesadilla with a side of Cinnamon Oles and God would have to suffer for HIS sins.

You have to venture off to the States, walk barefoot through deserts, swim shark-infested waters, climb hazardous cliffs and travel around Nevada, knocking on every door and asking every person, "Where's Andrew?!". If by chance, you spot him in a sea of people, you're somewhat lucky. You have to get down on your knees, kiss his feet and beg him endlessly to make another Taco Bellarito Johns Supreme Swine Flu Porklet Finger Chilli Grande Beef Surprise Ranch Buffalo Organic Fried Corn Syrup Funarrito Whole Wheat Wrapper Fairly Traded Coffee Breaded Gordita Crunch Wrap Quesadilla with a side of Cinnamon Oles. If he rejects you, just go home. Annoy him and it will lower your very small chances even more. Worship him and he might make an exception, which is practically impossible. But if he says yes, you must be one special kid.

May Andrewp182 have mercy on your soul.